


My Sweetheart, Don't Close Your Eyes, We Still Have To Fight

by Purp120



Series: Lullaby [1]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: (Like if you squint it's there), Alternate Universe - Zombie Apocalypse, Angst, F/F, Fluff, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Mild Jean/Marco, Minor Character Death, Very Mild Gore
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-02
Updated: 2014-06-02
Packaged: 2018-02-03 04:24:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,821
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1731020
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Purp120/pseuds/Purp120
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“We’re going to die soon? Aren’t we, Ymir? Just like everyone else? We’ve ran for so long but what are we even running from any more?” Krista asks out loud one night, and Ymir’s not even sure if she’s talking to her any more by the end. </p><p>“We’re running from the monsters. What else would we be running from?” </p><p>"Ourselves"</p>
            </blockquote>





	My Sweetheart, Don't Close Your Eyes, We Still Have To Fight

**Author's Note:**

> This is kinda based off a prompt, though I already had the lullaby idea in my head, though the zombie apocalypse influence definitely came from the prompt (which you can check out here; http://asktheangeloffreedom.tumblr.com/post/87341156474/13thcat-vivisec-theslowestdrawfag). The 'lullaby' for this one is actually AmaLee's verison of 'Departures' by EGOIST from the anime Guilty Crown (both the song and the anime are brilliant, and I suggest you check out both). I'm not really sure what to say about this, apart from the fact it's my first real fanfic. I'm not too confident about the writing style, but we'll just see how it goes~

_No one really knew how it started, or when exactly for that matter. All anyone knew, in that moment of time, was to run as fast as you could and not look back. Don’t look at that poor, too young boy being ripped to shreds. He wasn’t important if he wasn’t family. Don’t watch that family trying to defend themselves. There’s too many of those monsters surrounding them to go and play the hero (though you never could be a hero, could you?). That’s the only thing you could call them; monsters. Calling your fellow humans creatures, no matter how damaged in appearance they had become or how savage they were acting just didn’t sit right. Calling them monsters was much easier, because everyone could become a monster. Obviously whatever these things were, had become more monster like than everyone trying to run away from them. So that’s what you did. You ran. You grabbed onto Krista so tight surely it must be hurting her by now. But you had to get to safety. Whatever was happening around you, you had to escape. For Krista. Only for her._

* * *

 

_You didn’t exactly now where to go when you started running, so it’s no surprise you missed the governments one chance at offering rescue. You weren’t the only ones left behind though, far from it actually. The first ones you found where Jean and Marco. They had the same idea as you to equip themselves with some sort of weapon, considering you were going to be here for whoever knows long. The local Wall-Mart seemed like the best option since they had practically everything, including a now very handy gun counter. Deciding it was in your best interests to stick together, since Krista would now have three people to guard her if she found herself in trouble, you thought it was best to camp out there for a while, since it had everything you needed. Only after barricading every entrance did you settle down and tried to rid your minds of all the blood, horror and massacre so that you at least got a decent amount of sleep. You didn’t anticipate one of those monsters already being inside the door. What foolish children you were. Hearing it bite off half of Marco’s arm woke you all up, and while the other two stood there paralysed you shot both of them down. Despite your own advice, you looked back too many times. You saw what became of the poor, too young boy. What happened to the family trying to defend themselves. They became the same monsters they were trying to run away from. And suddenly, you were running away from them too. Which is exactly why you shot two bullets, and why Marco’s brains are scattered across the white tile of the floor, which at this point isn’t as white as all of your faces. The blood on your faces contrasts greatly, but none of you can bring yourself to care. None one moves for a whole minute, which is dangerous considering more could attack you at any time. Surprisingly, Jean is the first one to move, and, no so surprisingly, it’s to attack you. Through the sobs currently wrecking his body, broken cries of “How could you?!” and “We could have saved him!” pour out, but the one that baffles you the most is the repeated “Why…?” that tumbles out. It sounds so broken you decided to not answer. Grabbing what you could, you try to shake Krista out of her shock, but to no avail. You tell Jean that you’re leaving, and if he wants to come he can, but you aren’t waiting for him. You don’t have to wait at all, and you’re not surprised when you don’t hear a third set of footsteps trail after you either._

_You hold Krista close that night, God knows she needs it. She doesn’t stop shaking all night, and you only know that because the image of blood haunted you all night, no doubt like how it haunted her. You don’t want to admit it, but maybe that’s not her shaking any more._

* * *

 

_You see him again soon enough, about a week later? Or is it a month? It could have been years of close encounters and near misses, but at least you’ve found other people. Krista hasn’t spoken a word since the incident, and though you’ve tried to keep your usual, sarcastic self alight, you can slowly feel yourself slipping away into the darkness too._

_He’s with Eren, Armin and Mikasa when you find him again. You all seem to be heading in the same direction; the ports. You’re reluctant, but you decide to team up again, since four people are better at protecting Krista than one. It goes well for a while, you and Mikasa are a duo to be feared, and with Armin’s quick thinking, Eren’s stupidity (because let’s face it, you can’t call it bravery), Krista’s ever-lasting need to tend to wounds and Jean’s good sense of leadership, you make it almost half way in 3 days. But none of you could have predicted the next street to be crawling with them. Even quick on her feet Mikasa doesn’t see it, and she is soon surround by them all that is left to remember her by is her screams of torture. Eren loses it quickly, and in one final act of stupidity he runs in to try and save her. You don’t have to follow his figure to know how that will end. Armin doesn’t seem to notice the one approaching him from behind, too horrified by the sight of his two best friends slowly being ripped apart like prey, the predator all teeth and claw and blood and flesh and- But Jean is still there, still willing, and so determined to not let another die. He manages to save Armin from that one, but they soon get swamped by ten more. But they don’t matter. They’re not family. They’re not Krista. So you take a hold of her hand and run. You don’t look back this time, you already know how the story ends. You keep running and running and running…._

* * *

 

“We’re going to die soon? Aren’t we, Ymir? Just like everyone else? We’ve ran for so long but what are we even running from any more?” Krista asks out loud one night, and Ymir’s not even sure if she’s talking to her any more by the end.

“We’re running from the monsters. What else would we be running from?” Ymir replied, keeping her eyes on the millions of stars now visible in the sky. What with all the lights turned off to give no pollution, the sky was as clear as anything. Though the rest of the world below was devastating, this was one of the small pleasures Ymir had learned to appreciate. That, and waking up to Krista’s face in the morning, alive and shining and bright, despite the blood and dirt which had tainted her skin so.

“Ourselves.” Krista replies simply from her position next to Ymir. She’s also lying down, though it was more akin to a frightened kitten curling up on themselves.

“Why would we be running away from ourselves…...?” Ymir questioned, her face screwing up into one of confusion, though dwelling on the question for a bit longer gave her time to think of lots of answers. Too many answers. They could be running away from their acceptance of the situation. The further they ran from the problem, the less they saw it. Out of sight, out of mind, right? Or maybe, they were running away from the acceptance that there’s only one way to really end the situation. But Ymir definitely didn’t want to dwell on that answer. She turned her body towards Krista, her Krista, who, despite everything that had happened, was the same Krista she fell in love with three years ago, when she was assigned to show Ymir around her forth new school of the year. She had quickly decided she would be staying in that one. Krista must have caught the movement in the corner of her eye, because she turned around to meet Ymir’s stare. She also gently squeezed Ymir’s hand back when Ymir’s went to reassuringly grab hold of hers.

“I don’t care what I have to do, and what happens either way, but I swear Krista, I’ll get you out of this. I swear to you.” Ymir spoke to her softly, but with an expression of deep and longing passion, but not of Krista, but rather for her safety and wellbeing. She caressed the back of the small blondes hand before bringing it to her mouth and placing a smooth kiss to it, going back to rubbing it again as a soon as it left her lips. She did it not to rub away her mark, but rather to ground it deeper into her, so that whatever happened, she’d always be with her. Krista seemed to understand to action clearly, and whether it not for that or something else, she began to weep silently. Unknown to Ymir, she wept for empty promises, and promises to soon be broken.

They shared a look at each other for a few moments, with silent tears still streaming softly out of Krista’s eyes, before Ymir sighed heavily and stood up, looking down at Krista. She extended her hand, and asked, “Dance with me?”

Krista sat up on her elbows and, though only looking at Ymir with a blank expression, her eyes betrayed a series of emotions; confusion, hurt, despair, helplessness, and an underlying anger which Ymir didn’t particularly want to recognise completely.

“C’mon. Who says we can’t have a little fun?” Ymir said with a slight smirk and a cocky playful tone, hoping to try and lighten the mood. Krista just stared at the offering hand for a while, before slowly reaching out and using it to pull herself up, all the while looking reluctant. Ymir tightly wrapped her arms around Krista, glad when Krista also tightly wrapped her arms around her own neck. She started to sway slightly, rubbing light circles into Krista’s back.

“Having no music sucks, doesn’t it….?” She murmured into the top of Krista’s hair, giving it a few kisses, as well as some on her forehead for good measure. Krista didn’t respond, and Ymir wasn’t affected, because what she had said before was the most she had spoken in a while.

_No longer can I call myself loved by you any more_

_And neither can I say I'm still wanted or who you need_

_And so now I'm on my own_

_Or was I guaranteed_

_To walk alone_

Ymir’s eyes widened, first at not knowing where the beautifully haunting melody came from. Feeling the words hit against her chest in more ways than one she started down at Krista. Krista wasn’t staring at her though, rather she found whatever was to the left side of Ymir, where her head was turned, to be more interesting instead. 

“Krista…..” Ymir spoke softly. In all honesty, the words in particular shocked the freckled brunette. The singing itself didn’t surprise Ymir. Spending many nights cramped together on the petite blonde’s bed showed Ymir that whenever Krista was going through an extreme of emotions, be it joy, sadness, nervousness, or anything of the sort, she would sing to herself. The songs would range from cheerful melodies that spoke of the sun on the fields, to disturbing, tainted notes of drowning in the air. Whatever Krista sang, Ymir would buzz in anticipation of her next lullaby, because that’s exactly what it was to Ymir. No matter how morbid the songs would become, they would put Ymir to ease. This one, however, left her body cold and her spine rigid.

The smaller of the two seemed to either ignore Ymir complete or not realise she spoke, too wrapped up in her own dark thoughts. Either way, without no forward sign of protest, she continued.

_I wish I knew what you had tried to express long ago_

_But when you spoke the heavens swept up all of your words_

_Even though it's nothing new_

_I'll take another step_

_And make a wish that will not come true_

Ymir felt a surge of guilt ripple through her at those words. She had only been trying to protect Krista from her own gruesome thoughts and replace them with ones of light and bliss. Hearing her sing the words, though they might not be her own, enlightened Ymir to what she was truly thinking clearly. 

_Please say you won't let go of me_

_And tightly hold me so_

_I need to know that we will forever be this way_

_The memory of holding your hand each and every day_

_I'll never forget_

Ymir would never admit that she was the sharpest knife on the white-clothed table, but the contradiction of the words confused her. Whatever song Krista had picked seemed to fit to perfectly, yet she did not understand completely what they meant. So how could she know? Nonetheless, she listened to Krista’s indirect request, and pulled her closer to her body. She didn’t have to look down to know that the corner of Krista’s lips were pulled into a small, subtle smile.

_You made me cry so many times_

_And that never did change_

_But looking back I'm glad I cried even though it still hurts_

_Because when you'd apologize_

_You'd make the sweetest face_

_And you'd pull me into your embrace_

Ymir had to laugh at that. It made her think back and times before this. Before the monsters that weren’t exactly creatures. Before the all too sudden death of Marco. Before the stupidity or Eren and the determination of Jean. When Ymir would tease Krista too much, or when she would call something that Krista held dear stupid (which certainly didn’t originate from jealousy, not at all). Krista would get upset easily, and either let her tears fall or force them to teeter on the brink of her eyes. That’d be when Ymir would pull her close and whisper sweet nothings in her ear, usually promises. Real promises, such as “I’ll love you forever” and “I’ll always be there, so let me be the only one you need.” There were still real, right…?

_Please say you won't let go... of me_

_And tightly hold me so_

_Inside your arms is where I would like to call my home_

_My true wish is to open my eyes in the morning light (ahh)_

_And see your face_

Ymir finally started to sway again, getting lost along with Krista in the sinful melodies, wrapping them both up in a blanket of obviousness. Oblivious to the destruction around them. Oblivious to the monsters that had spun their world on its head. Oblivious to the noise that she had just heard to the left of her, which sounded remarkably like heavy, uneven and uncoordinated footsteps. Oblivious to the growl that had growl that had accompanied it. 

_Did you ever think_

_That this day would come_

_When a goodbye would last forever_

Forever, huh? That sure was a long time. A long time without Krista’s smile. Krista’s embrace. Krista’s warmth. It was a long time indeed.

_Please say you won't let go of me_

_And tightly hold me so_

_Your smile won't be for me_

_You'll be a memory_

_Just one more time_

_Before your warmth completely disappears_

_Hold me in your arms_

_Ahh_

If there was one thing Ymir had realised, and was truly conscious of (unlike the increasing noises around them), it was that Krista had given up. Her words before weren’t a question, there were a warning. Ymir, despite her great reluctance, had to accept that. Because if Krista, the Krista, who had always had hope and was so full of light and had great faith that everything would be okay in the end, had truly given in, then who was she to argue. So though the music was now gone, Ymir continued to sway. She swayed while the footsteps got closer. She swayed while the growls became more intense. She hugged Krista even tighter into her chest as she caught a mangled face, greatly resembling a green eyed brunette she once knew, the in the corner of her eye. She kissed Krista on the top of her head as she saw another (and another, and another, and another) one of those monsters appear. And, as she sighed, breathing in the warmth of her entire being, trying not to let her shoulders shake too much, accepting there was no way out, she whispered “I love you, Krista, this I promise you for every moment you still breathe the light.” Krista smiled, not in irony of the situation, but because she, for the first time in a long time, felt content.

“I love you too, Ymir.”

 

**Author's Note:**

> I tried to make it sad. I'm not sure if it's really all that sad though......
> 
> My Tumblr is ask-sauve-ymir if you wanna send me prompts~ :3


End file.
